The Wedding Introduction

           "the journey is your reward"...

The day started at about 8:30 a.m. Immaculate comes in my room to iron every morning. She asked me if I wanted to accompany Herbert to "an Introduction". The wedding celebrations here are three day affairs. First, they have the introduction which, through much confusion and time spent playing games the couple chooses who they will marry and announce it officially to all the hundreds of friends and family who have gathered under the magnificent tents and tarps set up in the brides parents yard. Next they have "the give away" and lastly the actual wedding at the church. So, never having experienced such an event, naturally, I said "sure"! "O.k. we'll leave at 9:30". Perfect, I head to the church, where we're meeting others to share a ride and there stands about fifteen people. The small mini-van is waiting for us. Of course I instantly notice that it seems like there won't be enough space for everyone. No one else seems to mind or notice so I sit down and wait till it's time to load. This mini-van happens to have less seats than most. There are just two bench seats and the passenger seat is a bucket seat with a big plastic hump, or center counsel between the front seat and the driver. The van actually seats seven passengers. We manage to get fifteen in...not-so-comfortably. Five across each bench seat, myself and another girl in the passenger seat and three crouched behind the front seats, half sitting on the hump that the seats are mounted to.  When we stop to get fuel I hear Moses, a man sitting in the backseat say, "if you just give me thirty minutes I can run to the office and get my camera. They asked me specifically to take photos of the event today" I'm thinking, "you're the photographer and you forgot the camera...???" Herbert asks me if Moses can borrow my camera for the day, then we'll download everything and I can delete them. Yes, of course, that's fine. So we set out at 11:30 a.m. for our two hour journey. African time! By the time we leave the paved road, ten minutes into the journey, my left leg is already tingling with numbness from sitting at such a strange, twisted angle. I am sitting on the back right side of the seat on my left hip, with my right buttock up on the center counsel. Eunice is sitting on the front left 1/4 of the seat with her legs jammed under the dashboard. The instant we hit the dirt road it is jerky and bumpy.  I can't help but grab the center counsel and the handle over the passenger side door. The ruts in the road are like small ditches. This is the rainy season, so of course there's mud holes and pools everywhere. Luckily our driver Jr. actually knows how to use the brakes and does rather frequently and forcefully! All I can think is "two hours...!" The crowd behind me laughs, chats and happily bounces along. No one seems to mind the fact that they are squeezed like sardines into this tin van, or that they can't move an inch. The scenery is stunning, lush green vegetation, hills and homes, and of course, people everywhere. Young people, old people, all types of people working or lounging. Women are digging in the fields accompanied by children, men lazing under big, shady trees, children riding bikes that are too big for them so they are standing on the pedals with their bodies wedged between the frame of the bike. Every mud hole we come to I wonder how we'll get through it. Someone asks from behind me if Jr. wants us to get out and walk through this one...he never does. We just charge through, the engine revved so high I'm sure it's going to blow up...it never does. Luckily I have to pee so badly now that it takes my mind away from tingling, sleeping feeling of my legs. I wonder how these vehicles hold up with the conditions of these roads. There are absolutely no shocks left in the vehicle between the weight load and the bumps in the road, even if there was it wouldn't help much. Goats cross in front of us and Jr. blasts the horn, children run to the side of the road, hoping their goats do the same. I'm wondering if I'll be able to walk again when I stand, my toes still move when I tell them too, that's a good sign. The old quote, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" comes to mind. I think I'll be very strong someday. Somewhere along the way we coincidentally pass Jr.'s home, so of course, he has to jump out and say hello, there's an exchange of a phone battery. From what I can tell, he charged it for someone and now they swap and Jr. will charge the other one. It's a confusing but functional method. My left knee, that just needs to be stretched, and my bladder are now taking turns screaming for my attention. We hit a bump and I can feel the rocks scraping against the undercarriage of the van, I tense like it will lift the frame of the vehicle away from the rocks. The swerving of the van from side to side, trying to miss the biggest of the holes and ruts in the road makes me grateful I'm in the front seat, I'm sure I'd be sick with motion sickness if I were in the back, although I wouldn't be able to see the cliff edge that we are centimeters from and Jr. is swerving toward if I were in the back...maybe motion sickness wouldn't be so bad after all. The next puddle has an invisible drop and we fishtail and swerve our way out of it, the man sitting immediately behind me is now sitting next to me on the hump. He leans heavily on my right arm. My left hand is clenched so tightly around the handle above the door that I have to consciously open and shake it out from time to time. The road turns to more grass than gravel, it's like two foot paths now that are perfectly distanced for our tires to follow. There's a fork in the road, I take a look at the steep incline to the right and I hope like hell that we're taking the road to the left. We veer right, when the road becomes so steep that the engine dies and we begin to roll backwards I think "Oh God, this is it!" I'm remembering the ledge we just passed and how will Jr. steer us out of this? I clench my teeth to stop any sound from coming out of my mouth. He slams on the brakes, starts the engine, engages four wheel drive, downshifts and gives it another go. We slowly grind our way up the hill, the engine revved so high the noise is deafening. I cheer when we reach the top, giving Jr. a thumbs up, everyone else laughs as if I'm crazy for even considering that we wouldn't make it. Another silly quote comes to mind, "the journey is your reward". I wonder to myself what I have done to deserve this for a reward!

As promised, exactly two hours later we arrive. We arrive at a series of three small shops and about five cars parked next to them. The road ends and the path continues downward. We climb out of the vehicle, I'm stretching and moaning at the relief. No one else seems to enjoy the feeling, or even notice that they haven't been able to move for the past two hours. We go for a "short call", or a toilet break in the bushes. The view is amazing, I can see the Rift Valley in the distance. The mountains and the sound of running water far below me flood me with memories of Alaska and the amazing beauty there. I enjoy the rare silence and the meloncholy for a moment before we set off down the path. We walk down for about twenty minutes, the path is slick with mud and everyone is in their finest clothes, the women are carrying gifts. Everyone has advice for the muzungu on how to get down without slipping. I smile and continue on, we cross a series of wooden planks over the winding stream. Soon we head up, up, up to the top of a grassy knoll.

 The brides parents live here, they are very wealthy I'm told. He owns the entire knoll and he grazes cattle and goats on it. Again the scenery is stunning, no one seems to notice it though. What they think is stunning is the gaudy pink ribbons and bows that have transformed this home. There are big tents, blue tarps and plastic chairs everywhere. It was all hauled in from Kisoro the day before, I cannot begin to imagine that task. We are led inside the house, each room we walk through is jam-packed with people. Finally we are seated and offered a soda. How did these make it all the from Kisoro without the bottle breaking I wonder? There are many mysteries to this day, this is just the first! At about 2:30 p.m. we go through the lunch line. The typical staples are served, matoke, irish potatoes, g.nut sauce, and of course, meat...it is a special day indeed. I can't help but notice there is no silverware, I guess today will be my first true African dining experience! I wash my hands in the basin that a young girl has brought. She kneels in front of me and pours water from a pitcher over my hands as I scrub my hands together. I am led outside by my new friend Moses. We sit in more plastic chairs and eat our lunch. It goes down just as well when you eat with your fingers. Our plates are collected by more women, there are hundreds of people sitting around, waiting. Hundreds more children line the perimeter of the yard. Everyone enjoying the big day.

Women arrive carrying gifts and food on their heads

Women enjoying the day!

 

After sitting for another hour or so, the groom and a whole slew of men arrive.

I'm excited, I think, "the party is going to start now!" Little do I know, they need to go in the house and have lunch first. Another hour goes by, I think, "thank God we didn't leave at 9:30, like we were supposed to!" Moses is happily snapping away with my camera. I sit and watch, chatting with the other Moses, asking questions and explaining to him that "no, at my home we do not have introduction ceremonies". He asks, with confusion, "then, when does the man pay the dowry?" I explain that we don't pay dowries where I come from either. I also gently tell him that it seems to me like you're "buying" a woman when you pay a bride price. He tells me it's a sign of appreciation for the brides family, for taking care of her. As I ponder this, the families come out to be seated under the tents. It will no doubt rain today. I don't let myself think of the road conditions after the rain. Somewhere around 5:00 the real confusion begins. First the brides father and a man representing the groom banter back and forth about what the groom will pay for his daughter, this goes on and on, Moses is interpreting for me. Herbert, preaches and blesses the couple. He explains to everyone that his wife couldn't make it and that I'm his stand in wife. Everyone laughs at this as I'm instructed to stand up and wave to them. Eventually the M.C. asks the D.J. to play the background music and three maids(bridesmaids) saunter out to the tents in purple dresses, they sit on the ground on straw mats in front of the groom, who is seated on a couch with his best man. I don't know what is being said, but some men speak, everyone laughs, the women walk back to the house. More shouting into the microphone and this time about six maids come out, wearing red dresses. They sit on the mats, some things are said, people laugh, they get up and go back to the house. The next time they come out, there are about ten of them and this time the bride is one of them. You can tell because she has more sheer cloth and sparkles wrapped around her than the rest. Did I mention I don't even know the bride...or the groom?!

They sit on the mat, this time the groom comes up to the bride and identifies her as being the  one he will marry. She stands, they hug, gifts are given by the bride to every aunt, sister and close friend that she has! Eventually they cut the cake, there are five small round cakes, of course I'm thinking, they will never serve everyone here! I suppose they just serve the "important" people. After a blasting of sparklers and candles toward the cakes and the entire wedding party, bite-sized pieces of cake are distributed by the bride. Now gifts are given to her, toasts and prayers are said. It's 6 p.m. and we make our hasty exit. By the time we make our way back to the car it's 6:30, one hour of daylight left.

We climb in the van, I joke and tell everyone we must have eaten too much cake because we can't even close the door. I'm told "the roads will only be a little bit bad, since it didn't rain very hard." Very comforting. I'm gazing out the window and everyone is singing. I don't know what they're saying, but I can promise you they are praising God in every song. The children along the way stare, scream and wave at the muzungu as we pass. I wave back, the people in the back tease and say that no one cares about the rest of them...just the muzungu! Slowly dusk turns to darkness and the headlights illuminate the slippery mud holes just in time for Jr. to slam on the brakes. The singing continues the entire journey, it does help pass the time and keep my mind from my uncomfortable state. When we get stuck the first time I take off my shoes and step UP onto the mud bank. The van is in such a deep hole that it is a big step up to get out. Everyone laughs that they have a muzungu with them in this predicament. I'm thinking of the different places I've been stuck and how little they know me! The men push, some of them scoop mud out from around the tires with their bare hands. The van slowly climbs out of the hole, we climb back in, it's 8:30 p.m....the two hour mark that should have indicated we were home. It was a nice break. We climb back in and continue. The second time we get stuck the rain starts, like clockwork, to fall. This time it's a much quicker exit. We climb back in and slowly make our way back to Kisoro. It was a long day. We drive around delivering people to their homes. When we reach home, I wash my feet, wait for dinner to be ready, which is around 10:30. I crawl into bed and dream about mud, four wheel drives and cake.

The next day we learned that the cars that followed us had a tougher time than we did thanks to us "tearing up the road".  One car had it's gas tank ripped off and had to pile into the car that followed them. So the girl is explaining to me, they were very uncomfortable for the rest of the journey.  I asked, "how many people did you have in the vehicle then, 34?"  They laugh and tell me 14....one less than us! They arrived home at 2 a.m. And I thought we had it bad!  We arrived safely at home around 10 p.m. with a cake to eat as a gift for the Reverand.

Children enjoying the festivities!

There were about five vehicles parked in the little turnaround when we parked, which means of the hundreds of people that were there, most of them walked. I meekly admit, as it turns out, the journey was the reward.